Going Under in Magick
by Asarielle
Summary: To Evanescence's song Going Under. Willow during last 3 shows of Season 6. R & R


I know this wasn't the intentional purpose of the song... but it works, surprisingly.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy... Josh Whedon does.  
Going Under in Magick  
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Now I will tell you what I've done for you  
Fifty thousand tears I've cried  
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you  
And you still won't hear me  
  
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Why can I not bring her back? Tara... gone. It can't be. Warren will die. Light and good magick won't help now. Dark magick is what I need. There are some books at the Magic Box. Why won't the demon let me have her back? Power. I need it. Now.  
  
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Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself  
Maybe I'll wake up for once  
Not tormented daily defeated by you  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom  
  
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I opened the door to the Magic Box. I think Anya said something after I asked her about the Dark Arts. I'm not sure.... at least she can't move to stop me. Mentally, I pull the books of the shelves and put them on the table. Slowly, I put my hands into the book. I need power and knowledge. These books have both. I absorb their knowledge and power as I think of Tara. Dead. Lifeless. On the floor at home. Why couldn't I save her? I feel as dead as she is. Only one thing keeps me going... revenge. Such a sweet word. Deadly and precise at times. Always makes you feel a little better. Revenge will be sweet when the curse is complete. Where was that from? Does it matter? All that matters is Tara's dead, lifeless body on the floor at home. All that matters is the need to have Warren's corpse before me. Black Magick is what I need.  
  
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I'm dying again  
  
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Buffy and I fought. Nice to be more powerful than the Slayer. No more Miss Nerdy Girl. Hello Dark Goddess. Giles is here. Nice spell. He had me in the tube good. Now its my turn. Just need a little pick-me-up. Giles will do. Then I felt it. All that raw power...never used. It was just so... mind boggling. Hard to think. Easy to feel. Head rush. All too much.   
  
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I'm going under  
Drowning in you  
I'm falling forever  
I've got to break through  
I'm going under  
  
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Still too much. Will it ever calm down? So much power. I could do anything with this power. Forget Tara. Look at the world. So much pain and suffering.  
  
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Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies  
So I don't know what's real and what's not  
Always confusing the thoughts in my head  
So I can't trust myself anymore  
  
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"Willow ... It doesn't have to be ... like that. You ... you can stop it."  
  
I hear my own voice through all the pleasure of the power.  
  
"Yeah. I, I can. I have to stop this." I got up somehow taking control. "I'll make it go away." Energy rushing around me as I imagine Kingman's Bluff. Suddenly, I'm there. I love magick.  
  
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I'm dying again  
  
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Proserpexa's followers didn't have enough power. I do. Let's see what poor old naïve Willow can do.   
  
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I'm going under  
Drowning in you  
I'm falling forever  
I've got to break through  
  
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This magic. More than before. At least I'm not keeping it inside of me. It's all going into the temple. All of it. End the suffering of everyone. I love the world so much... I'll put it out of its misery.  
  
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So go on and scream  
Scream at me  
I'm so far away  
  
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Why is Xander still standing? Doesn't he know that I'll kill him? I want his suffering gone! I'm helping him. I'm hurting him. I've done both before. All that matters now is the suffering of mortals. It has to end. The earth becoming a giant fireball... it will work.  
  
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I won't be broken again  
I've got to breathe   
I can't keep going under  
  
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I have to stop this magick. It's hurting Xander. He's crying. He loves me. My will is faltering. Do I want everyone dead? Every single person? It wouldn't be really fair, would it? Just ending their lives? My magick is very slow now. I can't even hurt Xander. I try with my fists... but I just isn't the same. I just want to be held. I just want to cry. I won't be evil again, ever. Just keep breathing self. No more magick. 


End file.
